I slept terribly last night. How unusual. Anyway, I felt pretty awful and as a result, the following conversation ensued between Jen and I:

Jamie: "<sighs heavily> I feel like a dried out turd."
Jen: "Well I'm sorry, but we only have toast."

It made my morning seem so much more bearable. :)

posted at: 09:13 | keywords: Humour, Life | permanent link to this entry

Well, as a first post in around 4 months, I won't bother to tell you what's been happening in my life or any of that jazz. Far too much effort. Instead, I bring you the following:

Something wet and unpleasant landed upon my left shoulder from above as I walked home from work yesterday. It had been several years since something similar had happened, but one of my immediate suspicions was that the culprit might have been feathery in nature. It didn't seem to be a big enough mess for that, though, but not long after my homecoming, Jen confirmed my suspicions.

This makes three incidents in which a bird has decided that I might be a worthy object upon which to excrete. Allow me to recount the previous two:

1. Primary school: I was walking around the playground and heard a rather loud impact on my hat. It didn't hurt, so it wasn't anything solid, but an inspection revealed that it was rather sloppy. I can't rememver whether a bird was in my list of suspects, but I know someone enlightened me soon enough.
2. High school: I was sitting on some steps peacefully eating my lunch while talking to a friend when something warm and sloppy landed on my leg. Being at high school, I figured that someone might have thrown something randomly, as they tend to do at high school. Lance looked around briefly and, as he looked up, he said, "Ah. I spy the culprit..."

I can just hear the meetings they had and the laughter that follows each incident. "Hey, you know that blind loser... you know, that button pusher from that blindy duo that laughably call themselves a band and go by the name N^th Degree? We should crap on him! Hahahahahaha! Not just once, though... we need to do it every few years. Let him lapse into a sense of false security and then... plop! Hmmm. Who's going first? He he he he... chortle chortle." Ok, so N^th Degree didn't exist when I was at primary school, but that's not the point! Maybe birds can time travel. Did you think of that, huh? On the other hand, maybe this is all just my growing delusion and paranoia...

posted at: 08:48 | keywords: Life, Humour | permanent link to this entry

I received this little snippet in an email last week:

DRIVING ON THE LEFT II: A policeman in Oldbury, West Midlands, England, pulled over a weaving car. "I attempted to speak to the driver, who appeared to be fumbling around with the controls," said the constable. "At that point the passenger leaned across and stated, 'He's blind'." Sure enough the driver, OmedAziz, 31, had lost both eyes and three fingers in a bomb blast in his native Iraq, and his passenger was giving him directions so he could steer. Aziz denied charges of dangerous driving, but was convicted and given a three-month prison sentence, which was suspended, plus a three year driving ban. (London Times)
...Apparently the judge thinks that should be long enough to grow new eyes.

posted at: 20:54 | keywords: Humour, News | permanent link to this entry

Freeoun! It's been ages since I've posted in this thing, although I managed far worse with my old blog. The fact that I started my job two Mondays ago (9 Oct) has a lot to do with that. I'm quite enjoying my work, though sitting in one spot for ages in front of my computer coding and researching gets a little tedious at times, especially when I can't spin around on my chair, pace, lie on my bed randomly, sing, play keyboard (the musical variety), sloth, etc. Still, the work is challenging and interesting. I continue to research and learn, which is essential for me lest I become extremely bored. For those who don't know, my job is a little difficult to explain simply. Basically, I work as a software developer for a small company called NetBox Blue which develops an all-in-one internet access, security, monitoring and server appliance called the NetBox. It provides many services, including firewall, email virus and spam protection, content filtering and email hosting, to list only a few. Aside from the hardware and software, services include technical support via phone and email, automatic updates and replacement warranty. Anyway, my job involves developing software and solutions to improve and enhance the functionality of the NetBox. Given the wide array of services provided, my work is quite varied, which is one of the reasons I like it. :) I code primarily in Python.

By the way, Michael and I recorded the vocals for Never Be the Same on 7 Oct and they are sounding great. We are hoping to record the guitar parts this Saturday, assuming nothing goes amiss. If all goes well, I should be able to mix and master the damned thing over the next few weeks and get it out before mid November, though I refuse to make promises on such dates, given the invariable tendency for unexpected delays where N^th Degree is concerned. Actually, I really should post an update to the N^th Degree news section. :)

I always try to think of some amusing happenings while writing entries such as this one. Perhaps the funniest occurred on Thursday.

I was staying at Jen's on Wednesday night, so she gave me some frozen pasta (or not, but more on that later) to take to work for lunch on Thursday. So, lunch time came. I removed my lunch from the fridge and microwaved it. I should note at this point that I love having access to a fridge and microwave, among other things, at work. :) I took it back to my desk and began to eat, but something just wasn't quite right. I have eaten this pasta dish before at Jen's and quite enjoyed it, but this just wasn't quite hitting the spot. Perhaps something was missing? ... It also seemed to have way too much halloumi in it, which is a type of cheese for those that don't know. I thought that perhaps this particular dish just didn't taste that good after being frozen, as I know that some dishes don't, and suggested as much to Jen that evening.

The truth was nothing so uninteresting. To Jen's horror, upon opening the freezer next morning, she discovered that the container she had given me was the one in which she had placed extra sauce ... with no pasta. Yup. I had eaten pasta sauce with no pasta on Thursday ... and hadn't figured out that there was no pasta! I almost wish she hadn't told me. How ridiculously stupid! I knew something was wrong, but surely I should have been able to realise that I wasn't eating any pasta. In my defence, this pasta sauce is quite chunky with a lot of vegetables and pieces of halloumi and the pasta used was shells or the like (not spirals, spaghetti or fettuccini which are very obvious), but I'm still an utter twit. How embarrassing! To make things worse, I wonder what my colleagues at work thought? "Oh my god, this guy is so weird ... he's eating pasta sauce with no pasta!" To add to the embarrassment and amusement, the container is transparent and Jen had also completely failed to realise when giving it to me. Eeeeek! Oh well. At least we got a hell of a laugh out of it.

I've been meaning to post this link for a while, but haven't, so here it is: Amazon Unbox to customers. I am very much against DRM, but this is just utterly disgusting. This is worth a read if you care about the whole DRM thing.

posted at: 21:36 | keywords: Life, Work, NthDegree, Music, Rants, Humour | permanent link to this entry

Jen just sent me the following email and I felt it just had to be blogged:

Subject: Time for a break.

Hmmm.. do you think it's inappropriate that I amuse myself while waiting for the computer to warm up by trying to make it all the way across my classroom on my wheely chair with only one push off? Repeatedly?

Also, how would I explain it if I injured myself... or if someone walked in?

I think it's time for holidays.

Jen

Needless to say, I was quite amused and my imagination now has something to keep it occupied. :)

posted at: 10:45 | keywords: Humour | permanent link to this entry

Ok. Time for a big update on the more interesting points of my life over the past few weeks, which hopefully won't get too boring.

The cold I posted about a few weeks ago turned out to be quite nasty indeed, including a light fever for a few days. I felt I was slowly recovering a bit over a week later, but just as I thought I might be almost back to normal, it started all over again. I began to lose my voice last Monday, which hasn't happened in ages! I think I'm finally on the mend now, but that still means I was sick for over three weeks! It seems to me that colds and related illnesses are hanging around much longer this year than they have in the past and several others have agreed.

I had to miss two weeks of goalball thanks to that stupid cold, as well as a choir performance. Arrrg! It also delayed work for N^th Degree. Anyway, when I've been able to make it to goalball, I've been playing pretty terribly. My defence has been ridiculous; I rarely ever play this badly! I just hope it has to do with sickness and related issues and that I'll be better for the Grand Prix next Saturday. Btw, if you're interested, come to watch some of the games. The Grand Prix will be held in the Sports Hall in A block at Southbank TAFE on Saturday, 2 September.

When I've been able, I have been working on the violin and cello parts for Never Be the Same, the new N^th Degree piece. I'm pleased to report that I finished recording those parts on Thursday night. Next on the agenda is the crazy orchestral stuff in what we call the 'Gladiator' section and the guitar parts. Meanwhile, check out N^th Degree on Triple J Unearthed! Cruel to be Kind has been submitted so far, so rate us highly and review us well! NOW! Please? :) I submitted Losing Touch as well, but it seems to have disappeared somewhere, so I need to chase that up in the coming week.

This weekend was somewhat crazy in terms of social events. On Friday night was Jen's mum's 50th, which was a lot of fun, plus there was good food and wine. Yummm! Saturday night was my uncle's partner's 50th, which was held downstairs at home (my uncle lives downstairs here). It was pretty good, although there was no wine. :) The comedy highlight of the evening for me was Ro's 10 week old mastiff puppy jumping up to steel a steak and chicken wing off my uncle's plate!

Today was my parents' anniversary. We went out to dinner at Kingsley's Crab and Steak house, a prospect which didn't greatly appeal to my taste buds and stomach given my dispassion towards crab and steak. (I don't dislike them, but just don't particularly like them. I'd definitely eat steak over crab, though, and it's certainly much cheaper. :) ) I didn't end up eating either crab or steak. It wasn't too bad, though I was a bit 'meh' about the place in general. It was good to spend some time with the family, though. Tomorrow is Daniel's birthday, although we're not doing anything major for that. So: happy birthdays to those mentioned and happy anniversary to my parents!

posted at: 23:57 | keywords: Life, Friends&Family, Humour, NthDegree, Music, Goalball | permanent link to this entry

I bought some new 1000 mg vitamin C tablets yesterday and discovered, much to my surprise, that they taste disturbingly like fruit tingles! I find this disturbing because a) I like fruit tingles, which therefore means I like the taste of these tablets; b) I could probably quite happily eat more of them; and c) my taste buds have to be totally demented to find a similarity between vitamin C tablets and fruit tingles. Who would have thought that tablets of any kind could taste even half decent?

update: My brother informed me that they even look like fruit tingles minus the dimple in the centre. Now that I can actually taste a bit more, I can detect more of a slightly bitter aftertaste, but they still taste rather like fruit tingles.

posted at: 16:02 | keywords: Humour | permanent link to this entry

I'm rather surprised that labradors didn't come from China. The Chinese (humans) love food almost as obsessively as labradors do. Maybe it was a provision for the survival of a new species by the forces of creation, considering that the Chinese have found a way to eat pretty much everything else ...

posted at: 04:47 | keywords: Humour | permanent link to this entry

Spendings account: Jen was paying for a cab with EFTPOS on Saturday night (Sunday morning, technically) and the driver said (paraphrased, because i can't remember what he actually said), "Savings? Or should that be spendings?" I couldn't help laughing about the truth in that statement. I never use the account to which my key card is attached (a so-called savings account) for savings. It is used primarily as a holding account for money I want to access easily (translation: money I will spend). This reminds me of the near miss/near hit controversy I am so fond of sprouting.

Michael has come up with some great vocal tips/slogans. We have proposed that he should have them printed on shirts and wear them wherever vocal teachers, trained vocalists or anyone else with an understanding of good vocal practice can be found.

• When all else fails, stick out your jaw.
• The throat is the second best support.
• Don't flip, just belt in chest voice.

posted at: 19:54 | keywords: Humour | permanent link to this entry

A blind man assaulted a child on a Brisbane bus just before 9 this morning.
James Teh, a 21 year old unemployed musician, attempted to squash the boy with his rather large backpack.
"I didn't realise the poor kid was sitting on the seat next to me," Teh told police. "I was carrying two bags and was trying to get them both into a workable position as I sat down."

This is just one of many incidents of unprovoked assault by a blind person, citing their disability to excuse this unacceptable behaviour. Even if such acts are accidental as they claim, blind people seem to believe that their lack of sight is justification for their failure to see others nearby.
"Damn blindies," a young high school music teacher commented. "You just can't trust 'em."

posted at: 10:50 | keywords: Humour, Life | permanent link to this entry

I haven't had many major clashes with Mum, but an encounter some time after 10 this evening left us both bleeding. Those disturbed by this will be pleased to know that this was a clash in the literal sense; specifically, a head to head collision. :) Mum was walking down the dark hallway while i was coming in the opposite direction. Mum couldn't see in the dark after having left the light and i didn't realise she was heading straight for me and ... wammo! Ouch! My head is used to that sort of thing, so I didn't take that much notice, but as I fingered my bruise after leaving the scene, I realised I was bleeding. We subsequently discovered that Mum was bleeding, too. I've never managed to collide head to head with someone else so hard that both of us bled. Another step in the journey of life, it seems.

posted at: 23:43 | keywords: Humour, Life | permanent link to this entry

On Friday, I heard on the radio that a thief stole a police officer's bicycle on his way out of the station after being released from custody! That just has to take the biscuit for creative ways to screw yourself over. Some people are truly unbelievable. I did a Google on it today just to check the details. One article is here.

posted at: 18:57 | keywords: Humour, News | permanent link to this entry