There once was a guy named James Teh
Who disliked the start of the day.
He hated awaking,
Was bored by fast-breaking
And wished it would all go away.
Jen: "Watch the door... it's ajar."
Jamie: (casually, without pause) "No it's not! It's a door!"
... I thought it was kinda clever, personally, but perhaps I've been awake too long...
Jen and I noticed a fascinating glitch in the laws of probability recently. If we are eating something containing pitted olives - home made pizza, for example - I end up with all of the olives which mistakenly contain pits, while Jen encounters none. We're not just talking one, here. It's usually at least three or four. This has happened a few times now. To prove the point even more, after happily enjoying pizza free of olive pits (while laughing at my somewhat less peaceful pizza experience), Jen gave hungry me a piece of her pizza... and guess what I found when I ate it? Yup... more olive pits. I guess a more logical explanation might be that Jen is consciously or unconsciously doing this...
Actually, this title is rather unsuitable. If I am the lord of olive pits, surely I could convince them to cower and run away or something...
I slept terribly last night. How unusual. Anyway, I felt pretty awful and as a result, the following conversation ensued between Jen and I:
Jamie: "<sighs heavily> I feel like a dried out turd."
Jen: "Well I'm sorry, but we only have toast."
It made my morning seem so much more bearable. :)
I bought some new 1000 mg vitamin C tablets yesterday and discovered, much to my surprise, that they taste disturbingly like fruit tingles! I find this disturbing because a) I like fruit tingles, which therefore means I like the taste of these tablets; b) I could probably quite happily eat more of them; and c) my taste buds have to be totally demented to find a similarity between vitamin C tablets and fruit tingles. Who would have thought that tablets of any kind could taste even half decent?
update: My brother informed me that they even look like fruit tingles minus the dimple in the centre. Now that I can actually taste a bit more, I can detect more of a slightly bitter aftertaste, but they still taste rather like fruit tingles.
A blind man assaulted a child on a Brisbane bus just before 9 this morning.
James Teh, a 21 year old unemployed musician, attempted to squash the boy with his rather large backpack.
"I didn't realise the poor kid was sitting on the seat next to me," Teh told police. "I was carrying two bags and was trying to get them both into a workable position as I sat down."
This is just one of many incidents of unprovoked assault by a blind person, citing their disability to excuse this unacceptable behaviour. Even if such acts are accidental as they claim, blind people seem to believe that their lack of sight is justification for their failure to see others nearby.
"Damn blindies," a young high school music teacher commented. "You just can't trust 'em."